The Rocky Horror Avenger Show
by ohmyloki
Summary: "Tony remembered the movie. He remembered the friend he'd had in college that had dragged him (after stripping him to his underthings) to the theater at midnight. He remembered the yelling, the dancing, the throwing of rice and he definitely remembered ending up in bed with a man in very convincing drag." Avengers meet Rocky Horror Picture Show. That's about all you need to know.
1. A Fan Fiction Double Feature

**AN: So this is a thing that happened. It's been itching my brain for the past couple of weeks and I just had to try it. This is unbeta'd, any mistakes (and there are likely many) are completely my own. Check out my profile for a link to the 'invitation'. :)**

**Thanks to lostdaemon on tumblr for all the help bouncing around ideas and helping me figure out wtf I'm doing! Wouldn't have been able to do it without you!**

* * *

_Steve Rogers was gone _

_The day the war was won_

_But he told us where we stand_

Tony stared at the invitation on his hand, turning it over carefully.

**GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO ABSOLUTE PLEASURE**

**A showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show you'll never forget!**

**THE ROCKY HORROR AVENGER SHOW**

"**TONY STARK (aka IRON MAN)" as BRAD MAJORS**

"**STEVE ROGERS (aka CAPTAIN AMERICA)" as JANET WEISS**

"**THOR" as ROCKY**

"**CLINT BARTON (aka HAWKEYE)" as RIFF RAFF**

"**NATASHA ROMANOFF (aka BLACK WIDOW)" as MAGENTA**

_**feat.**_

**a very special guest as DR. FRANK-N-FURTER**

"How 'bout that?" He murmured thoughtfully. Tony remembered the movie. He remembered the friend he'd had in college that had dragged him (after stripping him to his underthings) to the theater at midnight. He remembered the yelling, the dancing, the throwing of rice and he definitely remembered ending up in bed with a man in very convincing drag.

_And Bruce Banner was there  
In no underwear_

He tapped his chest absently while he stood there, reminiscing with a slight smile on his face. The smile shifted into a full-blown grin when a new thought broke free of the memories. The invitation was for tonight- _movie night_- the Captain America enforced "team building" and Tony was hoping they wouldn't mind a slight change in venue.

_Tony Stark was the Iron Man_

"Rocky Horror, Tony? Really?" Bruce lifted an eyebrow.

"Bruce," he drew out the word, verging on a whine, and handed him the invitation. "Look! With us as the cast! Or, you know, not us obviously... but people who are supposed to be us, I imagine. Actors playing us disguised as them, you know? It'll be great!"

"I don't see my name on there." Bruce said as he looked over the invitation, a soft smile on his lips. Tony snatched the invitation out of his hands and looked at it again.

"Oh. Well, they probably couldn't find anyone with skin the right shade of green, you know how it is."

"Yeah, yeah," Bruce nodded slightly, "that's good... actually. Maybe this could be fun."

"Oh, yeah. Now that we won't be seeing our little Brucey-wucey in drag, you're all happy to see how the rest of 'us' look." Tony grinned salaciously.

"I'm not going to lie, that's a major bonus. But mainly," he paused and shrugged, "I just want to see how Steve reacts to it all."

"Bruce! You devil, you!" Tony said with exaggerated shock.

_Then something went wrong _

_For Odin (and for Thor's Mom)_

_They got caught in a secretive plan_

"What are you talking about, Tony? English, please." Steve asked, continuing his attempt to beat the punching bag into submission.

"Let's do a change of scenery tonight, yeah? Movie nights are a great idea, team building, good for morale, blah blah, but why don't we get out of the tower tonight? We're all going a little stir crazy in here. There hasn't been a need to assemble in ages and everyone just kind of sits around looking lost. We need to get out. How about a play? They're just like movies- it's still in the spirit of things- and I've heard about this new one tonight and I think it'll be right up our alley." Steve looked unconvinced and tired but before he could negate the idea Tony rushed to say, "Besides Bruce already agreed, he thinks it'll be great."

He saw the shift in Steve's shoulders and knew before he turned around to face him that he had won. People had a hard time saying no to Bruce. He grinned.

"Great! 11:30. Assemble in the garage. Happy will drive us!" He clapped Steve on the back and turned around to leave.

"Wait! Tony-" Steve sighed as Tony swiftly exited the room.

11:30? What kind of play started at 11:30 at night? Steve shook his head and walked over to the bench to unwrap his hands.

_Then at a deadly pace _

_It came from outer space_

_And this is how the message ran_

"Huh. Well.. obviously I didn't think this through entirely." Tony stared at the mass of people standing around his limo chatting. A demigod, a giant slab of muscle known as Captain America, two assassins, a quiet science geek, and a smart mouthed intern- wait a second.

"You," Tony pointed at her, "You are not an Avenger."

"Thor pretty much dragged me along," Darcy shrugged, "and I've got nothing better to do."

"Nothing better to do?" Tony feigned outrage, "Little girl, hanging out with the Avengers on Friday night is not something most people would consider a _last resort_." He narrowed his eyes at her, still pointing. She smirked at him and pressed herself into Thor's side.

"Well _most people_ have probably never cleaned up the kitchen and livingroom after you guys get back from a mission and absolutely ransack them both." She crossed her arms under her chest, chin jutting out in defiance.

"I've got bots for that."

"Are your bots able to get peanut butter out of the nooks and crannies in the ceiling?"

"...point taken. Alright, you can come. Your lap sitting privileges have been revoked, though. You'll have to find someone else's if there isn't enough room in the car."

_A Fan Fiction - Double Feature_

_Dr. Doom will build a creature_

_See Green Goblin fighting Spider-Man_

_Hugh Jackman stars in The Last Stand_

_Oh-oh at the late night, double feature, fiction show_

It turned out, despite the overwhelming amount of muscle, there was just enough room for Darcy to squeeze between Clint and Thor.

"Where is it we're going, exactly?" Clint asked as he stared out the window. Tony grinned and pulled the invitation out of his jacket, handing it over. Clint's eyebrows became more and more familiar with his hairline as he read over the glossy cardstock. Darcy read over his shoulder and snorted.

"The Rocky Horror Avenger Show? Really?" She snatched the invitation from Clint's hands and read aloud, "Tony Stark as Brad Majors and Steve Rogers as Janet Weiss?" She looked over her glasses at Tony, "No offense but I think there's a better argument to be made for you as Frank and Steve as Rocky. I mean," she glanced over at Steve, who looked utterly lost at this, "building a perfect man?"

"With blonde hair and a tan, no less." Natasha piped up from the other side of Bruce, looking as unflappable as ever. Darcy snorted.

"He sure looks like he'd be good for relieving some 'tension.'" She added. Tony coughed, ignoring to two women, and grabbed the invitation before they could say anything else.

"Wait a second," Steve finally seemed to be able to put together a sentence, "I'm playing a dam- a girl?"

"I am afraid I do not understand what is going on," Thor added, "Are we in some sort of play tonight? If so I was not informed."

Tony shook his head.

_I knew Johnny Blaze _

_Was in a haze_

_When the devil came and claimed his soul_

"No," he waved the invitation around as he spoke, "you guys are utterly incapable of drawing your own conclusions, aren't you?" He sighed, "Since, _obviously_, none of us are actually in the damn thing," he eyed Thor, "they most likely hired actors who looked like us to play the roles. It's a meta thing. Dudes playing dudes disguised as other dudes. We're just going to sit back and watch. And laugh."

Steve still didn't look terribly convinced.

"But why am I a girl?"

"I don't know, Cap. Let's just wait and see. If it affects your delicate sensibilities too much we can always leave." Steve glared at Tony before rolling his eyes and looking at the rest of the car's occupants.

"Will someone at least tell me what The Rocky Horror Picture Show is?"

Darcy snickered. She couldn't wait for "Sweet Transvestite."

_And I really got sore _

_When the Mighty Thor_

_Fought a robot that spit fire and killed_

The limo arrived at the address indicated on the invitation. As the members of their party clamored out of the car, Tony walked up to the wrought-iron gate and stared up in wonder at the veritable castle behind it. This couldn't be right. Where on earth were they? There was no possible way they were still in New York City. And why was no one else here? Something didn't feel right about all of this.

The slamming of the car door drew Tony out of his reverie and focused his attention back on his teammates who were, apparently, just as awe-stricken by the sight as he was.

"Uh. Woah. Whose creepy ass place is this? Did we wander into a horror movie or something?" Darcy, asking no one in particular, took a couple of steps back, body checking the good Captain who put his hands on her shoulders to steady her.

"Uh, yeah, Tony... this doesn't feel right."

"Yeah. Yeah, for once I'm going to agree with you, Cap. Maybe this wasn't such a bright idea. Let's just get back in the car." Tony started to walk back towards them, not quite facing them entirely, always keeping an eye on the castle like it might suddenly sprout wings and breathe fire. The rest of the group had turned around, ready to get the hell out of there as Steve reached for the door handle.

"Oh, shit!" Clint let out a strangled noise and jumped backwards, knocking into Natasha, as the limo just disappeared. No frills, no smoke, no noise. The limo was there and then it just simply... wasn't. Thor let out a growl that sent a shiver up even _Tony's_ spine.

"Loki."

_His brother Loki heard "No" _

_And then he let go_

_And came down to the earth and killed Phil_

"Very good, _Brother,_" the sneer in Loki's last word was heard if not seen, as the six of them glanced around them, eyes wide.

"Loki, stop with these games. Come out and face me." The look on Thor's face was a tumult of emotions. Negatives and positives dancing around in his eyes, for though they may have their differences, Thor loved his brother dearly and always felt a brief moment of happiness to know that Loki was still alive and well. The relief was short lived, clouded over as he wondered what nefarious plot his brother could be up to now.

"Ah. I think not." Loki's voice played around them in stereo as the five Avengers formed a loose circle around Darcy, all too aware of her frailty in this particular situation. Tony wished he was in that circle with her, rather than a part of it. He should've known better than to leave the tower without the suit or, at the very least, the cuffs that could call his suit to him.

_But when egos conflict_

_Agent Fury gets pissed_

_He's gonna give you some terrible thrills, like a-_

"Do not worry, dear Brother. You will be seeing me shortly. After all, I have big plans for all of you." Loki's voice faded away with his last sentence, leaving them all weary and slightly shell-shocked.

"I don't like this."

"No one likes this, Tony. We need to find a way out of here."

"No, Cap. I _really _don't like this. That invitation- that must have been him, right? What on earth is going on in that brain of his?"

"Bag of cats, remember?" Bruce sounded unusually calm which meant he was struggling more than usual to stay that way. Thor's face darkened.

"I remind you-"

"Yeah, yeah, big guy," Tony cut him off, "we feel you, we really do, but right now we don't have time for your brother issues. We need to-" The ground started to vibrate beneath them.

"Uh, dudes," Darcy squeaked, "anyone else feel like they're standing on the world's worst vibrating bed?" Tony nodded.

_Fan Fiction - Double Feature_

_Dr. Doom will build a creature_

_See Green Goblin fighting Spider-Man_

_Hugh Jackman stars in The Last Stand_

_Oh-oh at the late night, double feature, _

_Fiction show_

_You'll love it too, ooh-ooh _

_At the late night, double feature _

_Fiction show_

_The MCU, ooh-ooh _

_At the late night, double feature _

_Fiction show._

_In the back row _

_At the late night, double feature _

_Fiction show_

_I want to go_

"This is not-" and before Tony could even register the fact that there was yet another sentence he wasn't allowed to finish, the ground shifted and cracked open, the darkness swallowing the group whole.

Had anyone been paying attention, they would have heard the sound of wedding bells chiming off in the distance.

_To the late night, double feature_

_Fiction show_

**To be continued..**


	2. Geez, Steve

**A/N: Still unbeta'd and I'm still not a poet, I apologize for the slaughtering of lyrics!**

* * *

Bruce and Betty strode down the aisle to thunderous applause. As they exited the chapel, there was a flurry of movement as the rest of the wedding party and guests followed them out to offer their congratulations to the incredibly happy- and well deserving- couple. After a few photographs, Tony appeared, nudged Bruce's arm and they separated themselves from the rest of the group remaining on the church steps. When they came to a standstill, Bruce looked back at Betty, who was positively glowing, and then looked at Tony, flashing him a shy grin and rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well, Tony... I guess we really did it, huh?" Tony patted him on the back and looked over to where the bride would shortly be throwing the bouquet. His eyes caught the gaggle of girls surrounding Steve, trying to force him into the action.

"I don't think there was ever any doubt, Honey Buns," He slung an arm around Bruce's shoulders, "You and Betty have been attached at the groin ever since you sat in on Dr. Fury's class." Bruce smiled, his eyes ever watchful of his new bride as he spoke to Tony.

"To tell you the truth, Tony," his voice dropped slightly, "she was the only reason I showed up in the first place. Science wasn't my thing before. And well, Fury, he changed that too."

The commotion near the church drew their attention back to the bride. Betty was smiling widely as she took her bouquet and turned around, tossing it in a high arc up and over her shoulder. It wasn't surprising when Steve came out victorious, he hadn't even needed to try when he stood nearly a foot taller than the rest of the group. He blushed and tried to give it away but the women all shook their heads and refused. Tony wouldn't have put it past them to have set the whole thing up. Still, he could barely contain his grin watching Steve flush and stammer as he talked with Betty.

"Looks like it might be your turn next." Bruce said with a sly smile.

"Yeah," Tony gave a nervous laugh, "Yeah, you never know." His fingers, hand deep in his pocket, rubbed along the sides of the velvet box he had been carrying with him all week.

The limo pulled slowly up to the front of the church and Bruce, after patting Tony on the shoulder, went back to his bride and Tony went back to Steve. The guests waved enthusiastically as the happy couple pulled out of sight, running after the car, still shouting their congratulations while Tony and Steve hung back on the steps.

"God, Tony, wasn't that amazing? Betty couldn't have been happier!" Steve sighed, "Just think, an hour ago she was just Betty Ross. Now they're Doctor and Mrs. Bruce Banner." He gave a coy little grin, making Tony feel a little hot under the collar.

"Uh... yeah, Steve," he started walking down the steps, "Bruce is a lucky guy." Steve followed and nodded along.

"Everyone knows Betty's a wonderful cook." Tony continued.

"She sure is."

"And Bruce will be in line for a promotion in a year or so." Tony tugged at his tie, choking a bit.

"So I've heard."

They walk in silence for a moment, passing between grave markers until Tony stopped short, causing Steve to nearly run into him. He turned around quickly and was just about to ask Steve the question that had been on his mind all day when he caught sight of the minister and family still standing on the steps of the church. His breath caught in his throat and his stomach dropped. Why did they all look so familiar? He could almost _feel_ their names tickling on the back of his tongue, just waiting for him to speak them. And, as if the minister could feel his stare, he turned and locked eyes with Tony, causing him to gasp. He could see the brilliant green color of those eyes even at a distance and when the color fully registered with him, he felt the name of the man- no, the _god_- unlock in his mind. He was just about to speak it when Steve cleared his throat and the trance was broken. Tony, shaking his head to clear the fog that had settled, turned to face his partner, remembering what he had walked over here for.

"Hey, Steve?"

"Yes, Tony?"

"I've got something to say." The intensity behind Tony's words left Steve breathless and he could only muster a questionable, "Uh huh" in return.

"I really love the..." Tony kicked at the grass for a moment before steeling himself, _ "skillful _way, you beat the girls to the bride's bouquet." He shrugged and Steve rolled his eyes at him.

"Oh, Tony." Steve flushed again, and looked away.

Quietly, as if speakers had been set up all around them, though none were in sight, music started to play. It came from all directions, making the origin impossible to find- not that either Tony or Steve were concerned with this seemingly supernatural occurrence. As a matter of fact, they took to it much like they had been living their lives with a soundtrack playing in the background just waiting for them to burst into song. Just like Tony was preparing to do.

"_The river was deep but I achieved!"_

"Steve." The family, still standing at the church door, chimed in. Tony started walking back to the church quickly, Steve nearly jogging to keep up. Suddenly Tony stopped short, Steve narrowly avoiding running him over.

"_The future is ours so let's believe."_

"Steve." The monotone voices filled the air as Tony took off again, the blonde right behind. He stopped again, turning to face Steve.

"_So please, don't tell me to take leave." _["Steve"]

"_I've one thing to say and that's Geez, Steve_

_I love you."_

Steve grinned shamelessly, it wasn't often Tony was so upfront with his feelings. He couldn't resist the shorter man in front of him and he leaned down for a kiss when Tony pulled back, jogging backwards towards the church, causing him to laugh.

"_The road was long but I ran it. _["Captain]

_There's a fire in my heart and you fan it!_ ["Captain"]

_If there's one fool for you than I am it." _["Captain"]

Tony hopped up the church steps as the man and wife proceeded to clean the railings. He pulled out a piece of chalk from his pocket- Steve would have to remember to ask him what the heck he was doing carrying around a piece of chalk in his tux- and he drew a heart on the church doors, turned around, and continued to sing.

"_I've one thing to say and that's geez, Steve_

_I love you."_

Tony strode down the stairs quickly, the man and woman in the background wiping the chalk off the door before going into the church. He stopped in front of Steve with his trademark grin before getting down on one knee and Steve gasped, rendered absolutely speechless.

"_Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker_

_there's three ways that love can go._

_That's good, bad or mediocre,_

_Oh, S-T-E-V-E I love you so!"_

Tony made a move to put the ring on Steve's finger but his own hands were shaking so much he dropped it. They scrambled around looking on the ground and when Steve found it, he slid it on and stared at his hand. Just as Tony was leaning in for a kiss, Steve stood up straight and pushed through the doors into the church. Tony scrambled to keep his balance and rushed after his new fiance.

"_Oh, it's nicer than I could foresee!"_

"Tony," the married couple, joined now by their daughter, were busy setting up and cleaning the church for a different sort of event. Tony caught up with Steve, who looked down at him with a smile and continued to sing.

"_Now we're engaged and we agree_ ["Tony"]

_That you're the only one for me _["Tony"]

_I've one thing to say and that's Tony, Sweet Pea_

_I love you!"_

"_Oh, Tony,_" Steve said as he hooked his arm through Tony's and started walking up the aisle in a mangled version of the bridal processional.

"Oh, geez." Tony said, grinning up at Steve.

"_Sweat Pea,"_ Steve continued leading them down the aisle, eyes never leaving Tony.

"Oh, Steve!" They reached the end of the aisle and Steve turned to Tony, his hand reaching out to cup the brunette's cheek.

"_I love you," _Steve sang.

"_I love you too,"_ Tony chimed in before their voices joined together.

"_There's one thing left to do-ah-oo!"_

Tony paced a couple of steps, running through plans in his head before turning back to Steve.

"_And that's go see the man who began it!"_

"Captain," the family brought in a casket from the side door, laying it in the front of the church, completely unnoticed by the newly engaged couple.

"_When we met in his science exam, it ["Captain]_

_made me give you the eye and then panic ["Captain]_

_Now I've one thing to say and that's geez, Steve_

_I love you."_

"_Geez, Steve" _Tony took Steve's hands and pulled his body in for a slow dance. Steve's elation was clear in his eyes as they danced silly little circles in the aisle.

"_Tony, Sweet pea." _Steve couldn't wipe the grin off his own face if he tried.

"_Geez, Steve.." _Tony's eyes were brimming with joy as he slowed their dance and he brought Steve to a stop. They locked eyes, still holding hands, before singing one final line to each other.

"_I love you."_

Tony wrapped his hand around the back of Steve's neck, bringing them close, foreheads pressed together. He paused for a moment, soaking in the enormity of what had just taken place- complete with song and dance- before closing the distance and pressing a kiss to Steve's full lips.

**A/N: I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey. **

**It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Tony Stark and his fiance Steve Rogers. Two young- well, no, they're not really young, are they? One middle-aged and one young- wait, how old is Steve? Are we counting his years on ice? Ugh, Nevermind. Anyway. Two whatever aged, both extraordinary and healthy men left home that late November evening to visit Dr. Nicholas Fury, ex tutor and now friend to them both. **

**It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black and pendulous, toward which they were driving. It's true also that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air. But they, being a billionaire genius playboy philanthropist and a super soldier who'd spent the last seventy years in suspended animation, both under the spell of a certain Norse God, well they weren't about to let a little storm get in the way of their night out, were they?**

**It was a night out they were going to remember for a very long time (especially when the photographs got leaked to the press).**

**Loki wouldn't have it any other way.**


End file.
